I need to preface this blog by clarifying that Evey has been an incredibly easy baby and I love her more than anything. If we were used to parenthood being hard, if Evey had colic or cried all the time, the following probably would've been a walk in the park. But since she's so easy...
Several weekends ago, I had the hardest and most trying weekend of my life. Christopher fell at work and sprained his L-5 and S-1 vertebrae, compressed the disk and torqued his hips 5 degrees to the left. And he pulled his hamstring, but in comparison to all the other injuries, that was nothing. Needless to say, he was out of commission for a while. He couldn't lift Evey at all, so I was basically a single mom for a few days. I have such a respect for what they do now - I barely made it through four days... much less a lifetime!
You know how if life gives you lemons, it keeps pouring the juice into your open wound? I was definitley having one of those weekends. While Christopher was taking a much needed break from his "daddy" duties, Evey was starting to teethe. Everyone commented on how early she was teething, but I could definitely see a little white bump trying to push through her little swollen gums. And she was exhibiting all the signs... drooling, pulling her ears, chewing on her fists, refusing to eat, biting while she did eat, etc. The only two symptoms she didn't have were loss of sleep (THANK GOD!) and fever. Since she didn't have a fever, I wasn't able to give her any Acetophenomin for the pain. That was the worst. The one thing I could try to do to make her more comfortable and I wasn't able to give it to her.
Another symptom she showed was screaming. Not crying... non-stop, full-on, top-of-her-lungs screams. I thought having to hold her while she got her shots was bad, but it didn't hold a candle to the days of screaming we had to endure. I think I cried as much as she did during that weekend - which definitley didn't help the situation, but I didn't know what to do and I hated feeling so lost.
That Saturday - two days after Christopher's injury (and two days of an incredibly unhappy baby) - I decided to try to go to church on my own. Anyone who has had kids knows that it is twice as hard and takes twice as long to do anything normal once a baby is in the picture, and that's if they're in a good mood. Mine was not.
Christopher's sister, brother-in-law and our nephew, Harrison, were going to be there, so it was worth a try. Let's just say that it wasn't the most pleasant church service I've ever attended. Evey did really well through worship. She even let her Aunt Renee hold her for a while. As I've mentioned before, Evey LOVES music, so that part was good. Once worship was over, so was her good mood.
I tried walking and dancing in the back of the sanctuary for a minute, but the minute she went into full-on-squall mode I had to get out. Unfortunately, I'd left my diaper bag at my seat. Growing up, my dad always said "Lack of planning on your part does not an emergency make." Thanks, Yoda. I was definitley regretting the lack of planning on my part at that point. I took Evey out to the coffee bar area so I could at least hear the sermon. Yeah, right. Like that was happening. Evey was screaming at the top of her lungs. She screamed so hard and so long that she got hoarse and I was worried she was going to lose her voice.
She kept saying, "Heh, heh" which meant she was uncomfortable (blog on that to come) and I knew she had a dirty diaper, but since I was on single mom mode I couldn't get to the diaper bag to change her. I didn't know what to do.
Finally, after church was over (and what felt like hours of screaming) I was one exhausted mommy. I got to the diaper bag and got Evey changed and then headed home. Of course, she screamed at the top of her lungs the second I thought about putting her in her carrier and on the drive home, we hit Every. Single. Red. Light. I had reached my breaking point.
We were sitting at a red light, both of us sobbing and I just threw my hands up and screamed at God, "I'm just not going to church any more. If I can't even listen to the sermon - it's just not worth it!" I completely surprised myself. Christopher and I used to be sort of sporadic church-goers, but we'd listen to the sermons online when we didn't attend and we know how important it is to be in that setting of fellowship, worship and teaching on a regular basis. I never thought the words "I'm not going back" would leave my lips.
I knew that Satan had gotten his weasely little foot into the cracks of my broken spirit and was doing everything in his power to put a wedge in that space. Thank God, He wasn't going to let that happen. Immediately, I calmed down. I regained my composure and I told myself that the comment I just made was exactly why I needed to be in church.
Since that day, we haven't missed one single church service. I do not want to allow myself to get to the point where Satan can grab me so easily. He comes to steal, kill and destroy - and I do not want my daughter growing up with a mom who is spiritually daed.
Also, since that day, it seems like I have had the patience of Job. Evey can scream and cry for hours on end and I haven't gotten frustrated or felt overwhelmed at all. I praise God for that. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a short fuse. But it's different with Evey. It always has been. When she was first born, I thought I was doing amazing with my temper, but I still got burnt out sometimes. Now - it's even better. I can figure out what she needs faster, my demeanor is much calmer and I'm able to soother so much easier.
Let's just say that God works in mysterious ways and even though though those few days were extrememly trying, I wouldn't trade them for anything.
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