living the good life: Alexander and the... day.

I can't believe how quickly six weeks passed. Thursday (September 8th) was the day I'd been dreading since Evey was born - my first day back at work and Evey's first day at school. My maternity leave was officially over.

An old friend of mine had a baby just a couple of weeks before me, and she had to go back to work on the same day I did. She posted on facebook the night before: "Tomorrow's going to be the worst day ever. Just call me Alexander."

She hit the nail on the head. As a child, I loved the book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, but I've never understood it until the last day of my maternity leave. I woke up Wednesday feeling miserable. I was so weak and exhausted that I called my asked her to call in sick so she could help me take care of Evey. Christopher works late on Wednesdays and wouldn't be home until 7:30, so when my mom got home from school, I met her at her house so I could get some help.

I got home a few minutes before Christopher, and I was so weak I couldn't even lift Evey out of her carseat. Christopher came home to a screaming daughter and a sobbing wife. I was shivering tremendously and he sent me straight to bed. We took my temperature and he made me some little noodle soup and hot tea to help me warm up.

We had put off gathering Evey's supplies for daycare, and I'm so OCD that I wanted to be the one to pack her diaper bag. So I sat in bed and labeled clothes and diapers and wipes while Christopher brought everything in for me to organize.

I went to bed by 8:30pm with a fever of 101.3, praying that God would help me feel better by the morning. My day hadn't left me much hope for the hard day to follow.
When Christopher's alarm went off at 5am, i felt much better. My fever had broken at some point in the night, and other than a sore throat, I felt as good as new.

We hadn't heard a peep from Evey yet... as ususal! We slept in until 5:20 and then got up and got ready. I figured she'd be screaming by the time I got out of the shower, but she was still snoozing away! I was completely ready to go by six and decided it was time to start getting her ready as well.

So at 6am on her first day of daycare, I had to actually wake Evey up. Have I mentioned how incredible my kid is?

Driving Evey to daycare, I had the radio turned up to help keep her calm. She loves her tunes! Since Immanuel is so close to our house, we only had time to listen to one song... Need You Now by Lady Antebellum.

In case you don't know, the song is about a couple who is broken up, but they're still in love. It's definitely an emotional song. The chorus goes:

I wonder if I ever cross your mind, for me it happens all the time.

It's a quarter after 1, I'm all alone and I need you now.

I said I wouldn't call, but I've lost all control and I need you now.

And I don't know how to do without, and I just need you now.

So of course, I'm driving down Greentree, sobbing, singing along to this song because it totally relates to the day I'm getting ready to go through. I haven't been alone since Evey was born, and I was most definitely not ready to be without my girl.

When I got to Immanuel, I took Evey into the Roc first so we could get Christopher. I cried as I got her out of her carseat and snuggled her for the last few minutes. I put on my "brave face" for my girl. I know she can tell my moods and I didn't want her to start fussing because my heart was breaking.

Christopher walked to the daycare center with us and took some pictures for me. Even though it was the worst day, it still needed to be documented! The walk down the hall was so long, and I held Evey close. When we walked in, the staff were so happy to see her. Unlike me, they'd been looking forward to the day she started school. Christopher had to get back to work, so he left me to check her in.

I filled out permission slips for them to give Evey her mylecon drops if she got gassy and to use A&D Ointment with every diaper change to keep her rash from coming back. I signed her in and turned her over. She started to fuss a little bit, but they took her on back to the infant room and we were on our own.

Walking back to the Roc Cafe, the tears started flowing again. I stopped in the gym and said a simple prayer: Lord, Give me strength. I took a deep breath and went back to my husband. When I walked in the door, he met my eyes and gave me a knowing look. He knew how much I was hurting.

He had made me breakfast, and I spent some time gathering my thoughts before I decided to leave for work. I had gone in early to spend some time with Evey before I had to go, but realized once I was there that it would be better to treat the situation like a band-aid.

I cried the whole way to work and as soon as I walked in the door, Nancy was filling me in on everything I had missed during my maternity leave. My workday had begun.

I had my first break at 9:30am, so I called to check on Evey. They were happy to report that she was doing great, and I was happy to have good news. She had been chilling in a bouncy chair all morning and was happy as she could be!

Getting used to pumping was another thing that made the day hard. First off, using a breast pump is just not natural. It feels weird and it tickles. Secondly, there is nothing that can compare to nursing my daughter. I love the way she makes eye contact with me, and it makes my heart happy when she smiles up at me. It's so great to know that she's totally dependent on me and that I have what it takes to provide for her. Breastfeeding is such a blessing for me, and using the pump made me miss her that much more.

Thank God, I have a job that keeps me busy because my day flew by. I'd teared up a few times during the day, but never found myself sobbing like I thought I would. I had bought a calendar, photo collage and mousepad with Evey's pictures on it to help me not miss her so much. My desk was littered with Evey paraphanalia! Before I knew it, it was 3:30pm and Christopher was on his way to get our girl. I called him before he even had a chance to get home. I couldn't wait to find out how she did.

At 4pm exactly, I clocked out and literally ran to my car. I drove home as fast as I could and as I ran in the door, Christopher said "I'm so glad you're home!" Evey was sitting in her vibrating chair, screaming, and as soon as I picked her up, she stopped crying.

She missed me! I couldn't belive that she actually missed me!

I wasn't sure if she would even notice I was gone other than the fact that she had to eat from a bottle, but I've never seen her happier than when she saw that I was home. I was elated!

She'd just eaten before she left, but she was screaming for food. Most likely just to pacify, but I was totally okay with letting her pacify as long as she needed to. She was on the breast for over 40 minutes and I loved every second. She ended up passing out in my lap and slept for hours. School wore her out!

Overall, I was expecting the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day and it turned out to just be a Day. For that I was very, very thankful!